Wednesday, April 18, 2007
arrgh.. school's started.
I missed monday's lesson because i was just too tired. and dad became some angry devil because of that.
not a single bit uderstanding, and rudely demanded a copy of my timetable.
not to mention, nagging again.
and so, i also had to try to correct my sleep hours. i woke up early on tuesday to join bro in his lecture. which was about 12. 2hrs earlier than holiday sleeping time.
was tired the whole day.
Bro kinda lied to me. was actually kidding me, but i found out later. now i doubt if all the rest of what he's said i true. He used to lie when he was younger. how will i dare to trust him to be his business partner in the future? Well, he has only a few years left to prove his integrity.
but that did disappoint me abit.
then i went out with his mom and sister to buy some stuff at imm. didnt get to meet him again like we arranged. cos of hang herr and Joleen. haha.
so it was a pretty bad day for me already. and the very moment i stepped through my home doors, my dad shoots at me. when was the last time he was my friend. never. just a traditional every scolding dad. though he does produce quite some money i agree. that doesnt make him an excellent dad. just better than some others.
but then, i was angry i tell u. horrible. i was down, and the first thing he could say was something negative about me. so I went into my room, packed it up, threw all the clothes out of my wardrobe. those that i hadn't worn in ages because they were ugly and uncomfortable to wear. all to the "donation" pile. some of them i haven even worn alot. and dad has to go on nagging that he didn't had all these clothes and shoes when he was younger, and i only know how to spend.
that's stupid. since i was young, mom has always taught me not to splash. because then, dad wasnt that well off i guess. or maybe just because mom just wasn't the type that would shop alot. so, i was concerned for the family's finances at a very young age. i would only have 1 pair of shoes and slippers at a time. and only buy a new pair when the old one literally falls apart. basically everything is either old, or new but low quality. while in the name of work, dad always gets everything new. and only passes it down to us when it's already starting to fall apart.
so what if he's a good business man. i think he's a father with much to learn, but is too proud to learn from others. it's that man ego thing.
so, i really don't spend alot, and end up scringing on my money. while sister and brother goes ahead buying new things all the time. mainly sister. and i get the blame for spending money. and end up not buying something, or buying something that i dont like, uglier, but just because dad says it's cheaper. is that all i'm worth? while he gets so splash on the cool stuff?
he has a stupid mindset he needs to break out from. and unless he ever humbles himself to learn, i dont think he'll ever learn it in his lifetime.
and so, continuing the story. i went into my room, packed, and threw stuff out now and then, and locked my door. mom comes and knocks, demanding to come in to talk to me. u know the times when u say "not now..". but idiotically, she demands, insists, and bangs, and makes a big hoo har till dad comes also, and even more idiotically bangs the door vigorously, gets mom to find the keys which she couldnt find because I replaced the lock when it broke sometime ago but didn't replace the keys in the emergency bunch. and they just wont leave me alone. then dad asks for the tool box so he can break the lock. THAT IS TOTALLY INSANE AND CRAZY! it's not as if i'm going to kill myself in the room or something. idiotic. they always preach about parents being too controlling, aren't they doing the same? i cant even lock my room door at my own will? i want to be alone, can't I? must you walk in and off my aircon at 3am everynight just because it saves abit more electricity while u splash your money elsewhere instead?
maybe i should just thicken my skin and take more money from them to spend. maybe i shouldn't be such a good kid and give in to all their orders anymore. maybe they need to know what a bad kid is like before they appreciate me. maybe i should just get angry more so they will give in to my requests and treat me better in order to get my cooperation and support. they teach me to be nice, and then show me later that it doesnt pay off to be. so why should I?
If they had managed to break into my room lastnight, i'd immediately leave the house and stay out for the night with my phone off. they were lucky enough the door didn't open.
dad then has to be the "hero" and make a last comment saying, its ok. i'll talk to him tomorrow. who wants to talk to him. he caused it in the first place. irritating.
it was just a small thing, and he had to blow it up with the professional "making big hoo har" help of mom. it would have been over overnight if they left me to myself that night. now it looks as if it will last much longer. is that wise or what.
like i have found out, the first child always gets all the shit. the rest are kinda protected from that because of the first kid. that's probably why the firstborn has been allocated a double portion inheritance from history in bible times.
anyways, for a good note on this post, thanks kristen. u took hours to read all my previous posts? super long posts? it's almost like a biography. haha. and to correct some stuffs, firstly, kristen's a not a worship leader, but a vocalist. and she is a camp organizer, but its "just a camp", and she will be teachin sunday school to sec sch students soon. but whatever it is, it's still big to me. haha. so well done pal! haha.
You won! 12:54 PM
