Sunday, March 05, 2006
what is with me.
i type out a whole post..
and then at the end,
i realised the situation might not actually be like that.
or the words i used have carried the wrong meaning..
or i was just thinking on a one sided view then..
moving me to write a whole post on it...
and i delete everything...
or just don't post it..
but i've learnt..no..i musn't change it.
i musn't read thru it after i've typed it..
if not i'll just change everything again..
so i decide.
i'm just gonna leave every post as it is from now on..
if i typed something..
and the next day, if didn't think i should have posted it at all,
i won't change or delete it.
i'll post another post, another time..
i guess this way makes it all better.
fix all the Points of views together..
and i get the fuller picture..
rather than deal with pieces forever.
as for now regarding that thing..
i'm settled in my mind..
i know what is and whats not..
i understand better now..
i've learnt from them..
but the one thing that still bothers me..
when i go to fammiliar places..
wheres the person that goes with me..
i feel lost..
i remember the times..
when i walked home in the rain..
i could not help but think bout it again..
i know i've gotta let go..
and i've decided to let go..
but..
but..
but..
i dunno..
it just feels as if..
i've lost the life which i once lived.
its just sad..
not as much as it used to be..
it takes time to live again..
i know.
time
time
time..
but how long..
how long..
how long..
as for now..
it still is like this..
more and more achievements in life i want,
now becomes of no value to me..
who will i share it with?
missing...
missing...
i don't want to lose a friend..
i blame it on my rash actions..
i pushed it too hard..
i took it too fast..
now everything has collapsed..
i regret..
i should have waited..
i should have obeyed..
i should have been patient..
i should have took it slow..
i should not have brought it highier so quickly.
now i've lost it all..
its my fault..
now its consequences..
i have to pay..
and its gonna take a long time..
i don't even know if i'm able to pay it all back in this lifetime.
even those around me have been in someway affected..
i screwed up..
i made a wrong decision..
i know i can be forgiven..
but the consequences seem too hard to bear..
only if i could turn time back..
but whats the use of crying over spilt milk???
milk is cheap and widely availlable..
this is not..
its beyond value, and has only 1 of it in the world.
still, crying doesnt bring it back..
nothing will..
it can only be re-created all over again...
starting from the ruins of all that is left of it.
u know how much hardwork and time it will take
and it might just never be the same as before..
i'll just have to try..
okay..i know this post might sound like i'm depressed.
i'm not..
i'm actually just sad..
from the regret of a major mistake..
and what troubles me is its future..
You won! 4:08 PM
